Remarks by Ellen DeGeneres - May 13, 2006
“They told me everybody would be wearing robes. [WEARING A WHITE
BATHROBE] Anybody staying at the “W”? Can you return this
for me? That’d be great.
Who’s as hung over as I am, anybody? (CHEERS)
And why the two mikes, why not just one? What happens if I talk in this
[PLAYING WITH THE TWO MICROPHONES AT THE PODIUM] Why? Is this one better?
I was in town, and whenever I get a chance to speak after presidents,
I say, ‘Get me in there!’ (LAUGHTER)
And this the closest I’ll come to graduating, so I thought I would
join you. (LAUGHTER)
I never went to college… I lived here… I was born and raised
here... my mother worked at Newcomb when I was a little girl (CHEERS),
so I spent time here. She left a sweater if anybody sees it…its
blue (LAUGHTER)…or green, I don’t remember I was little.
Seriously, you are amazing people. You are a very famous graduating class,
as you know. To go through what you’ve gone through…to get
this far, and all of a sudden have to be displaced and go to different
schools is quite an experience, that I think will form you, shape you,
and mold you, and suddenly you’re Jell-O. (LAUGHTER) I don’t
know what to say. (LAUGHTER)
Really, I came up with… to take care of yourselves, because when
you’re younger, you don’t really listen…your parents
tell you. And so I really want to say it’s: Exfoliate. (LAUGHTER)
No, wait. Hydrate is first (LAUGHTER), then exfoliate, and then moisturize,
and then exercise, and then floss. So H.E.M.E.F., if you can remember
that, that way: H.E.M.E.F. (APPLAUSE) Okay?
I love you. [RESPONDING TO AN AUDIENCE MEMBER]
That’s all, really, I know you’re tired. But there’s
a book I’d like to repeat to you. (LAUGHTER) And show you a quick
Whose ass is completely numb, anybody? (LAUGHTER) Who has any feeling?
No, you deserve to go. So I do want to say that it is important that as
you go out into the world that my show is on at different times in different
cities, so check your local listings… for times and channels.
Good luck everybody! (APPLAUSE) .